2019 – Warwickshire – Aardvarkland

14/06/19 – Great to meet all. Juddy the Ryder cup vid that we discussed …
https://www.facebook.com/1439399176085799/posts/3340824225943275?s=1424307839&v=e&sfns=xmo
Regards, Phil Nicholson
14/06/19 – Safely back home. Risked the M6, it was busy but ok. Great 3 days, enjoyed the golf (despite the wooden spoon, all part of the master plan, although slipped up today losing shots, drat!) but the craic with you lot is what it’s all about. Just sat looking out the window at a downpour, we certainly had the luck of the Irish with the weather! Thanks to ex-champ, chair and treasurer for organising another great tournament and well done to Champ Brown, welcome to the triple winners society. Looking for to next year’s festival of swing. – El Juddo

11/06/19 – Good to hear. I’m sitting ten miles down the road from Stratford and it’s sheeting down!!
Looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow. Cheers. Chris
11/06/19 – Nick – That’s a surprise as it been torrential all day, see you tomorrow. The Waggy’s
11/06/19 – Evening All. In light of the heavy rain that we and they have had all day, I have just spoken to the Club and they have in fact been OPEN all day today. I’m also told that they don’t anticipate any problems tomorrow either and that they expect to be OPEN as normal. So see you all about 11am-ish with plenty of wet weather gear to hand Nick
10/06/19 – Does that mean you might not make it to the Welcombe??
10/06/19 – My flight back from warmup at PGA Catalunya was delayed due to storms at Stansted.
Looking forward to beers and chat. – Phil Nicholson
10/06/19 – The forecast for Wednesday was thunder and lightning earlier, but now its only chucking it down! It will be cracking the flags by Wednesday! – Phil Maddocks
10/06/19 – Bring rainwear – Phil Nicholson

10/06/19 – GOOD MORNING ALL … Your 4th PRE-TOUR Interesting Email. First of all many thanks to Mr Adams for keeping me on the ball by spotting a small error in the rules of the 2-5 Anniversary Competition … I’ve now corrected this, and just to be clear, it will be played over all 3 days this year. In light of my error, I have increased the 1st Prize to 12 Golf balls … before any clever Dick Allott says anything! (see Revised sheet).
11-25th Anniv 2s & 5s Comp – 2019 v2
Secondly, in addition to the handicap changes previously advised, you should all be aware of a number of changes made to the Rules of Golf, primarily designed to speed up play. Again, many thanks to one of our proper golfers, Mr Adams again, for sending me a comprehensive list of the changes. Needless to say, we will be attempting to play ‘Ready’ golf from now on.
20 Must Know Rules of Golf Changes for 2019_final-CA-9Jun19.jpg
So the final part of the annual enclosures are now attached … namely:
8. The Overall Rounds Summary … note, Mr Wagg Senior is still top of the averages, though Mr Tolley is a new entry into Division 1 at 2nd place, having now completed the qualifying level of 24 rounds.
7-Overall Rounds Summary – 2018
9. The Honours Board – the annual record of who did what, where and when.
9-Honours Board-2018
10. The Honours Board Summary – A summary of how many times you’ve won or lost. Out of 71 Aardvark rounds to date, nobody has won or lost more than 6 times … so a pretty even spread over 24 years.
10-Honours Board Summary-2018
11. The Champions Race – Our Chairman’s very own favourite record, even though he slipped to third place last year, along with 2 others in the Top 10. Congratulations to Mr S Nicholson who is still the outright leader.
11-Champions Race-2018
12. The Course Difficulty Chart … or how The Aardvarks played them … as you can see out of 71 courses played, two of last year’s courses make it into the top 25. As some of you may have noticed we are in fact returning to Stratford Oaks this year after an 11 year gap, so as it was our 11th easiest course in the past, I will be expecting big scores on Thursday.
12-Perf v Cse Difficulty 2018
Finally just one last enclosure and that is a copy of the room list requested by the hotel … so you can all see who you’d better not upset on Wednesday !!
2019 – Hotel Accom Listing
Well that’s about it, save to remind you not to be late on Wednesday … first tee is somewhat earlier than normal at 12.00 NOON and I am sure ‘Champ’ Nicholson will have the Malt open by 11:45 !!!
Safe journey all. Nick Burnett … Hon Sec. AGS
09/06/19 – GOOD AFTERNOON ALL … Your 3rd PRE-TOUR Interesting Email. So, I hope your Sunday is not as damp as ours … but here’s some more interesting reading … yes, its Handicap time … and I enclose:
6. A summary of the previous end of tour handicaps…so you can see who’s improving over time
6-PreviousTourHcaps to 2018
7. This year’s ‘Burnett-o- matic‘ (pat pending) handicap system and a list of the starting handicaps on day 1.
17-Handicap System – 2019
So, a few changes this year folks, brought about not least by the requirement to come into line with the NEW World Handicap System … which now means that you can officially be given up to 54 shots per round … yes, that’s right … 54!! Blimey!!
However, please beware, whilst I’m sure that we have nobody who needs that no of shots, I would remind you of the local Aardvark financial penalty rule which will now apply to anybody playing off over 28. Details are on the previously issued FINES sheet, but it’s currently set at £1 per shot up to a maximum, this year, of £5. I will of course review this level each year if players’ handicaps worsen dramatically.
Finally, as introduced in 2017, albeit it wasn’t needed, I am pleased to confirm that the new Aardvark post-tour ‘Mid Table Mediocrity’ (MTM) review has kicked in this year. With a large field it has become apparent that some players’ handicaps do not move at all. So as Mr Roberts and yours truly’s handicaps did not move last year, the MTM review has calculated that their 2018 handicaps will be increased by 0.8 and 0.6 respectively … effectively a playing increase of 1 shot each.
One other small anomaly perhaps should be pointed out in respect of Mr S Nicholson’s handicap. From a win 3 years ago, he of course lost 3 shots in 2017, got 1 shot back in 2018, and another shot back this year. However, this year’s gain is nullified by him losing 1 shot for finishing 3rd last year. He will though get 2 shots back next year, the 3rd from 2017 and the 1 shot from 2018 … I hope that’s clear to all!!!??!!
16. Working Tour Blank – This is this year’s sheet for your records including your starting handicaps again … note Messrs Brogden and Maddocks incur the handicap penalty for round 1 for being in excess of 28.
16-2019-Working Tour Blank
Ok, that’s all for now folks … one more lot to come out tomorrow.
Nick Burnett (Your most honest Hon sec)
08/06/19 – Hi. As it is a wet afternoon with no golf for me and cricket is won, I thought I might attempt to help out our esteemed Secretary by creating a spreadsheet for him!! We all know the care (and time) he takes checking the cards after each round to make sure the scores are all correctly added up etc which often delays his time spent at the bar. So here’s a ready reckoner score checker for each of the courses we are playing (information checked to the club’s website) assuming we’re off yellow tees. Nick if you have this to hand after the rounds it may well speed up this process. Just enter your handicap and gross score (like regular golfers do each time they enter a club competition) and it should calculate your net and Stableford points. I’ve put in some random sample scores to test it. Looking forward to seeing you all at Stratford. Kind regards. Chris.
Aardvarks2019 Score check
08/06/19 – GOOD AFTERNOON ALL … Your 2nd PRE-TOUR Interesting Email.
So as well as the main competition for the RWT Shield and of course our usual Nearest the Pin and Longest Drive diversions, we do have a few other things going on … so as a reminder, please find attached …
18. This year’s most important and probably the FINEST FINES sheet yet devised. PLEASE READ and UNDERSTAND CAREFULLY … IGNORANCE is not an excuse Mr Juddy … but we are especially pleased that you have contributed a starting penalty of £10 !! Secondly Mr Wagg the Younger was also 1 day late paying up his fees and so he will be adding a further £5 to Thursday’s starting kitty.
12-Fines Sheet – 2019
19. 2019 sees the return of the Anniversary 2s and 5s comp, first started in 2016 when it was the 22nd Anniversary comp. and last year when it was the 24th Anniversary Competition. However, this year it will be over the full 3 days and will revolve around 2s and 5s. Further details are enclosed on the attached sheet.
11-25th Anniv 2s & 5s Comp – 2019
20. This will be the 3rd year of the new Eclectic competition where the object is to create your best cumulative score by hole over the 3 days … again rules as to how this all works are on the relative sheet.
24-Eclectic Comp – 2019
21. Finally this year, I am also pleased to announce that finally after 20 years, Mr Colton is nearing the milestone of 1000 Aardvark Stableford points … he still needs 65 (which may yet prove to be a challenge as he only manged 61 points in finishing bottom last year). We will therefore be running COLTONS CONTEST of CHANCE over the 3 days to see who can predict on what hole he will actually score his 1000th point. I did suggest to the Chairman that we might need a further round on Sat am as well, but this idea was ruled out on the basis that whilst it would be interesting to see Neil reach 1000 points … it wouldn’t be THAT interesting !! So, each participating player will be allocated their lucky number on arrival which will equate to a particular hole on days 2 or 3, and the lucky winner gets a few golf balls.
20-Coltons Contest of Chance – 2019
So I think that’s all the extra bits and comps for this year … any questions please don’t ring me … handicap stuff and starting info comes next.
Nick (glad that’s done) Burnett
08/06/19 – GOOD AFTERNOON ALL … Your 1st PRE-TOUR Interesting Email. First of all welcome to the new improved results service and thank you all (well nearly all) for paying up so promptly this year! (check the fines list later). Did you think I’d forgotten?? Or would let you down … no chance. Here’s the 1st email of 4 giving you all then runners and riders, updated history to date (quite a bit after 24 years) and all the details, competitions, and handicaps for this year’s Anniversary Competition, organised by our very own current Champ, Mr Phil Micholson!!
Firstly please find enclosed:
1. Tour Results from last year’s Comp……a close finish with Mr P Nicholson just pipping Messrs Tolley and S Nicholson by one lucky point !!!
2018 Full Results (Excel Spreadsheet 4)
2. The New Eclectic Competition results … congratulations to those funny Waggs who won last year.
2018 Eclectic Winner (Excel Spreadsheet 24)
3. RWT Shield Winners and members of the (still somewhat over-rated) Hall of Fame.
3-RWT And HoF – 2018
4. Updated Roll of Honour for 2018 outlining all of last year’s Results and other interesting facts and figures … you may be interested to know, by the way, that my longest drive has now been measured at 352 yards and 7 inches !!
2018 Winners And Losers Prizes Summary (Excel Spreadsheet 5)
Ok that’ll do for now … more to follow a bit later including all the handicap info including the new regs and the implementation for the first time of the new MTM Handicap Review !!
Nick Burnett, Hon Secretary, AGS

30/05/19 – Whoops! £135 transferred. Juddy
30/05/19 – Then guess I best pay Josh’s !!! Waggy
30/05/19 – Well surprise, surprise … !!! Its naming and shaming time folks … yes the two that have still not paid and will therefore be sleeping in the garden and suffering the wrath of ‘Black Cap’ Taylor are, of course Messrs WAGG J (J for JUNIOR) and JUDD (he that was shocked and thought it not fair to harass poor Dick !!) The good news for the rest of us is that Wednesday’s kitty will start off with a £10 balance (£5 each) rising by £5/per person/per day until all arrears have been settled … in fact bearing in mind the comments below … quote … “… if it were me I would definitely appeal!” (Note specifically the exclamation mark inserted by Mr Judd), then I expect a further £10 failed appeal fee to be added to the ever-increasing kitty balance as well. Nick Burnett: Most Honourable Secretary, Aardvarks Golfing Society
30/05/19 – So, it seems that 3 of the ‘ WARWICK FIVE’ have confessed and paid…but who are the others, who may yet feel the wrath of ‘ Black Cap’ Taylor ??? – Nick
29/05/19 – Apologies all as the money has now been paid and I will not need to accept Duncan’s offer to defend me. Dunc I owe you a pint. – Allott.
29/05/19 – I think it’s shocking what you are doing to that nice Mr Allott. It’s just not fair and if it were me I would definitely appeal! There’s always a 1st time. – Juddy
29/05/19 – Yes Dick, appeals are still good value at only £10 … which hasn’t moved in 6-7 years … ask Juddy, he’s the expert at appeals!!! – Nick
29/05/19 – I’ll get my black cap dusted off…. Not that that should be mis-construed in any way… all appeals will be reviewed purely on merit – Col.
29/05/19 – Not questioning your ability Dunc, but I suspect the case may be on Judge Taylor’s listing. I heard a rumour the Trumpmeister turned him down for a position on the Supreme Court because he was too prone to extreme sentences (although clearly always fair in his decision making). So I suspect you should have put “No win – guaranteed” (and I’d charge a fee anyway if I were you). Nick – just paid (I was one of the 5). (And the Galway as well). I was just waiting to ensure there were no errors in these calculations. ;o) Cheers Tol.
29/05/19 – It would be my pleasure – no win, no fee. – Dunc
29/05/19 – What? And you’ll be my barrister I suppose??? – Allott
29/05/19 – I think it’s well worth appealing Dick. Go on … you know we want you to … – Dunc
29/05/19 – Dock him 5 shots. Of course Dick … You can appeal. – Col
29/05/19 – I think one is me, and apologies Nick. I will endeavour to sort today …. – Allott
29/05/19 – Chris … No its not you … but the 5 will be named and shamed by tomorrow morning and of course subject to a late payment fine and handicap penalty !!! – Nick
29/05/19 – … perhaps you could just write to the five who haven’t paid (of which I hope I’m not one) so as not to offend anyone …? – Chris
29/05/19 – Now come on lads…is this tour on or not as there are still 5 of you who haven’t paid … … and it doesn’t include Wilks cos he’s not with us this year !!! This is your last chance before you’re named and shamed and summoned to court !!! I need your cash now!!!! Thanks to all the rest who make my life easier !!! Nick
20/05/19 – Looking forward to it; faggots are in the oven. Love from the “Moderate Actuality” – Phil Nic
19/05/19 – Gents, The ‘feast de swing’ is almost upon us … See attached details.
… and its now time to cough up so that Nick can sort out the golf and the hotel. As I understand it we’ve all paid £50 deposit so far. Nick requires a further £125 to cover everything … so can you please lob this into his account this week whilst he’s away barging around the midlands, causing mayhem on our inland waterways.
NI Burnett-Avks…..Nationwide, 07-10-40, 65119360
MAKE SURE YOUR NAME IS THE REFERENCE.
See you soon … Col
Tour Details 2019 v01 (Word Doc)

03/02/19 – All, a final call as we haven’t had confirm from Dunc, Luth, Broggy, Tag, Wilks, Jerry, Craig or JD yet? Regards, Phil Nicholson
28/01/19 – Just a small reminder to those of you who haven’t responded/coughed up yet (including me btw); I will be helping out with getting deposits in to the various bevvy of selected championship courses that will be appropriately groomed for the occasion.
In the spirit of the Ryder Cup, the dream team of Tolley-Brown will hopefully be appearing in several YouTube videos , although rumours of excessive hair growth are greatly exaggerated. We also need confirmation of Sergio Judd and Jez Rahm appearing, although Fozzy has already bought his foam postbox costume off EBay. Thorbjorn Colton will also be appearing along with Tiger Adams … and, I am assuming, in line with the massive uncontainable enthusiasm shown, that our glorious captain will also be appearing to sample the delights that Warwickshire has to offer.
Anyhow, mind the snow and get your confirmations in before the rugby at the weekend – Phil

08/01/19 – After much threat of overseas travel back to the fatherland, last year’s beautifully formed supreme being, (Nicholson P from Oyland) has determined that for this, our 25th commemorative tour, we should play in … Warwickshire.

Brilliant!

I struggle to control my pulsing imagination at the prospect. The dates are Weds 12th to Fri 14th June. I won’t bother to mention the courses we will have played them all previously and after this year’s event, we will be placing a total ban on this county for the next 25 years. I have closely reviewed Tripadvisors page ’50 best things to do in Warwickshire’ … Golf is not one of them. But then it is not one of the best 50 things many of us do well, either.

As is usual these days, both courses and hotels require a deposit so can you plop £50 pp into Nick’s slush fund. NI Burnett-Avks … Nationwide, 07-10-40, 65119360. Transfers only please, (as opposed to cheques), and MAKE SURE YOUR NAME IS THE REFERENCE. By the end of Jan, please. Aardvark HQ

08/01/19 – And likewise to you Lord Maddocks … clearly you’ve seen the latest YouTube vids of me footwork. I have presented Nick with the details and I’m hoping that an email will be forthcoming to all shortly. Regards, Phil Nicholson

08/01/19 – Happy New Year to all you Aardvarks. People are booking up holidays left right and centre at work which got me to thinking about our annual Swingfest. Any news Mr Phil “champ” Mickelson? Cheers, Phil

19/09/18 – As most of us have fully matured – are women allowed to attend and play? Thx Steve
19/09/18 – Look here wage slaves you only have to plan six weeks a year at most, with the rest taken up by paying taxes to support us hell raiders. We have to plan all 52 and being aged we like structure and knowing what we’re doing well in advance so we can fit everything in especially getting joints replaced, hernias repaired etc. Dates for tour ASAP much appreciated as is the work involved in planning it all. – JT
19/09/18 – Shockingly was playing a round at Barnham Broom in darkest Norfolk last weekend, when who should come strolling up but the silver fox himself Steve Dennett and the lovely Bev. Steve is still messing with chickens out that way and he /Bev are interested in the prospect of a “special year”. I have cc’d them with their up to date email addresses, and they asked for these to be used in future correspondence. Before anyone asks, I am still working with the finance department to work through quotes and options I’ve received to date…so no more pestering from the hellraising retirees please. – Phil N
20/07/18 – If you are going to Ireland then I would apply for unpaid leave so I could attend. Us public servants have to be a bit careful about these things:-). Let me know if you are definitely going and I will apply for leave (I am fairly certain they will grant me leave as a one off!). Craig (the Kiwi) Burgess
20/07/18 – Ah yes forgot about the “mauling”…. – Phil N
20/07/18 – Is K going to be around? If “Yes”, then “No” to Cork … and if “No”, then “Yes” to Cork. Tol
20/07/18 – Me too…..hopefully…..subject to ground clearance!! – Kieran
20/07/18 – Wherever and whenever. – Dunc
19/07/18 – I’m in wherever but have very fond memories of golf in Cork with a very drunk Mr Allott! – Jezza
19/07/18 – Count me in please. Don’t mind the venue. Tim
19/07/18 – F………. hell. Did not know there was an economic boom/ tax haven in Nuneaton – Broggie
19/07/18 – Speaking to you all from sunny Portugal, Wagg senior says yes. Don’t know about Josh as he is on Dominican Republic. – Wagg Snr
19/07/18 – I’m in. Wherever we go. Phil M
19/07/18 – All, Silloth and Scotland would be best for me but happy to make a return to the Golfing Challenge in Ireland if that is the majority decision. – Roper
19/07/18 – Agreeing dates well in advance key for me. I’m up for Ireland but might explore extending it to include visiting friends in Galway and taking car. – JT
19/07/18 – In principal I’m in. However, we tend to operate a “first in diary” approach at home so can we fix the date before I commit. (Otherwise I run the risk of missing out on a holiday I have paid for!) – Broggie
19/07/18 – I’m in wherever we go as well. – Neil
19/07/18 – Nick/Phil count me in wherever it is. Looking forward to it already. – Stu
19/07/18 – Thanks Nick and again this isn’t set in stone; I visited the place for a weekend and it has great facilities, accommodation etc and is former host of the Irish Open. As well as being the rebel county and scene of many a fierce battle during the rebellion of 1798, the place has many bars, places of interest and is very scenic. As Col points out, it is a commitment to get there but flights are normally morning so we can get in a round same day as arrival plus day of departure … https://youtu.be/BAMDnm3qWjc … Phil N
19/07/18 – Taking Juddy’s point, I’m more than happy to go with the Ireland option. However, my only hesitation is that its been held in the past in a reasonably convenient location that everyone can drive to within a couple of hours if they wish. The cost is kept sensible £200-240 ish and it only require 3 days. Ireland would shift all of this up a gear and I fear might become more of a barrier resulting in less numbers. But…. I’m open to offers…? Col
19/07/18 – It will burn many more Brownie points than the normal trip which is already pretty costly in this department, but it has to be done! I’m in – Juddy
19/07/18 – Hi Nick. Thanks for the e-mail and yes I am in thanks, with whatever option we end up deciding upon. And if you are trying to open it up to anyone who has played over the 24 previous years, please can you put together a list of names of all participants so I know who to speak to at this end. Cheers, Dick
19/07/18 – If we’re looking for a venue, one thought for you. Siloth on Solway (a reet good championship links course I understand?) has buggy walkway made from the original Timperley astro. Relive those golden years !! – Col
19/07/18 – Good afternoon folks. Ok … now that the dust has settled a bit on tours and holidays, trips etc … .and the Open is about to start at Carnoustie … this seemed a good time to get your initial views on what WE ought to do to celebrate the 25th ANNIVERSARY next year. Our newly crowned Champion, our very own Phil ‘Micholson’ has been hard at work and has made some initial enquiries about a trip to Ireland … specifically near Cork at or near Fota Island. Costs for golf packages including golf and B&B hotel accommodation and including prizes would be about the same as normal at around £230-£250 per person. (2 nights and 3 rounds). Flights to Cork with Ryanair including golf clubs would be approx. £200, and Phil feels it would be better to book these early to avail ourselves of the best prices etc. I would emphasise that no firm prices have yet been obtained and we haven’t really looked at any proper ‘ deals ‘ yet which may save us a bit of cash. In addition NO decisions have yet been made.
So this all sounds exciting … BUT ONLY if we get a firm interest now from people happy to make it a ‘special year’ and that you are prepared to pay the extra cost of getting there. There is absolutely no point in arranging a trip of this sort for only a dozen say . In fact we would like to get hold of as many players who have joined us in the past as well. Other options might be Warwickshire … again … or we could think about a trip to the Scottish Borders, where there are courses galore and prices are really good … we’d have to allow about 3 hrs from Manchester and more accordingly from the South as a guide. Anyway …before we can progress further please let us have your initial thoughts … especially if you’d be definite either way about Ireland. Many thanks, Nick, Hon Sec