Dates
Wed 21-Jul-1999 – Fri 23-Jul-1999
Result
Overall Winner
Overall 2nd
Overall 3rd
Overall LastO’Neill C
Sixsmith M
Tolley I
Beardmore J
1999 Full Results (Excel Spreadsheet)
Courses
Round 1
Round 2
Round 3
More Details
Aardvark Golf Monthly
April 99 – Volume 1, Issue 1
”Numero uno cest moi!!’ – Nicho!
In this issue:
- * Nicho trashes tradition!!!
- * The ‘statmaster’ fights back!
- ? The ‘Peoples Champion’ speaks !!
- * Dates and Courses
- * Costs
The ’98 champ Stuey Nich issued a stern warning to this year’s challengers for the 1999 Aardvark Golf Classic as the rules of Golf’s premier event was agreed last week. In characteristic cosmopolitan style, juxtaposing several languages ‘Nicho’ dismissed his expected ‘8’ handicap as ‘a mere bagatelle’ – and that has clearly upset golf’s establishment.
Ageing veteran Nick Burnett was outraged by the outburst. ‘It’s totally out of order – if you look at the stats you can see that the winner plays off an average 16.7 and must finish no less than 4.63 shots off the lead each day. Unless, that is, one of the rounds takes more than 4 hours 13 mins. Nicholson cannot win!
Confirmed starters include the 96 and 97 winners, Duncan Brown and Jon Wilks, the ‘statmaster’ Burnett, The Timperley trio of Taylor, Oirish O’Neill, and the old pearly prince from South Manchester, ‘Denno’ Dennett. Close to qualification is the ‘Peoples Champion’ Beardo, ‘my aunt Doris always says that Gloucestershire is a tough track, so it should be exciting’. Local contender Fat Dick Allott slipperly avoids suggestions that he has brought Golf’s elite to his home patch simply to win the trophy he covets at any cost – ‘I’ve got a young daughter, I want to win this one for her. Lets face it, in 13 years time she’ll be 16 and available’. Non-confirmed possible include Tag, Nobby, Litto, Elson, and Phil Maddocks.
This year’s event kicks off at Painswick GC on Wed 21st July, followed by Old Minchinhampton Common on Thu 22nd, and finishes with Cleeve Hill on Fri 23rd.
Accommodation has been booked at ‘The Laurals Hotel’ in Minchinhampton at a cost of £20 pp B&B (includes swimming pool!!) Dick is booking the golf – and a deposit of £20 is required. The whole package should be about £100.
Tournament HQ: 0161 904 8397 home or 0161 904 9998 fax.
Aardvark Golf Monthly
June 99 – Volume 1, Issue 2
Nob out !! Shock.
In this issue:
- * Nobby disappears!!
- * Lord Roper of Lymm reconnects with the masses!
- * Essex reveals its new man for the millennium!
- * Aardvark preserve heritage handed down by the gods!!
- * Faldo’s last chance to play in a Ryder Cup in ’99
The world of pro-golf was yesterday shocked by the revelation that the Aardvark Pro-Classic Festival of Golf will lose one of it’s most charismatic competitors. Dave ‘Nobby’ Robb has not been found. Since a fleeting appearance at this year’s Easter Festival, Nobby has not been seen. A recent sighting in the bathroom department of B&Q remains unconfirmed.
Since launching himself on the golf world at Longridge, Preston six years ago on the Thursday before Blackpool, Nobby has almost finished above last on three occasions. Ageing veteran Nick Burnett led the tributes, ‘I’ve checked back through all the old scorecards and its true! – what a performer! – we will never see his kind again’.
Confirmed starters are ‘Georgeous’ McGuire, Lord Roper of Lymn, and Neil Colton of Essex.
Record Entry. This brings the field up to a record number of fifteen who will compete for one of sports most prestigious trophies – the majestic ‘R W Thomas shield’.
The championship kicks off at Painswick GC on Wed 21st July. All competitors should assemble at 12:30 noon. The defending champion, Mr Nicholson of Lancashire, will dispense good cheer from a bottle of malt on the first tee – where we are all allowed to heckle Mr Nicholson’s first drive. This ancient ceremony, first performed by the druids at Stonehenge, was the inspiration behind the modern Olympian ideal and carried on every four years by relay to the games.
The Ryder Cup. Following round 1, two captains and teams will be drawn for the eagerly anticipated matfchplay Ryder Cup Challenge on the morning of day 2. Last year’s winners being the USA captained by Mr Wilks of W(h)ales. Round 2 will follow at Old Minchinhampton Common GC. And the final round will be played at Cleeve Hill GC (Allott’s home course!!) on the morning of Fri 23rd July.
Accommodation has been reserved at the Laurels Hotel in ‘Minchers’ and the total cost for the festival is £125 all in. Dick Allott is looking for a deposit of £30 – so cough up. He can be contacted on 01452-529010.
Festival of Golf HQ – 74 Green Lane, Timperley, Altrincham, WA15 8QW. 0161-904-8397.
The 1999 Aardvark Pro-Classic Festival Of Golf
Honest ‘Denno’ and Col
Totaliser Clerks and Bookmakers
By Appointment
Form Guide And Revised Odds (as of 26th June)
Denno Dennett scores 36 points off a 15 handicap at Macc!!!
Brown scores 35 off 20
Burnett comes home with 32 off 20
These were the significant factors of the Macclesfield golf day on 25th June. Other scores on a high-ish scoring day showed steady form for Phil Maddocks with a 30, a slowing of the startling rise of Oirish O’Neill, and a slight comeback by Taylor – both registering high twenties.
Other News
Also, Lord Roper of Lymn scores a gross 84 in a medal. Allott claims a 106 last Wednesday night (presumably at golf?!)
New entrant Neil Colton, of Essex, says that injury has stopped him playing regularly
Wilks says he’s not picked up a club since last Oct.
* The first money was backed with just under half going on Nicholson to figure somewhere with bets on the nose, each-way, and a dual forecast with Denno, who has attracted most of the rest.
* A sympathetic female, with no knowledge of golf, has placed £1.00 on Taylor to claim a round win.
* Phil Maddocks has back £5.00 on himself to take a round.
The revised odds reflecting updated form and interest in the market are given below. All previous published odds now void. Punters can bet on the nose (overall winner), each-way (2nd or 3rd at 1/4 odds), dual forecast (1st and 2nd in any order, add both ‘win’ odds together and subtract 25%), or to win at least one round. Fax bets through on 0161-904-9998. Call on 0161-904-8397. Betting slips will be available during the Burton Hockey Weekend on 3rd/4th July and at the final trial on July 16th at Northrop Hall GC.
All cash left over will be re-invested in beer/food/prizes. Odds will be reviewed periodically and obviously as form hardens and a supposedly more reliable picture builds up – we can expect the favourite’s odds to shorten and the outsiders to lengthen slightly. The book will close at 8pm on 22nd July (after round 2).
The Form Guide (in alphabetical order)
R. Allott – Predicted starting h/cap range: 13 – 15
Regular stayer although claims dodgy form of late. Local knowledge could claim a round win but not convincing the punters.
J. Beardmore – Predicted starting h/cap range: 19 – 22
No form since ’97 tournament when finished 3rd. Some signs of progress. On holiday at the moment – a dark horse.
D. Brown – Predicted starting h/cap range: 17 – 20
’96 winner who is playing steady and well. Good all court stayer but attracting little money at this stage
N. Burnett – Predicted starting h/cap range: 18 – 21
Well practiced for the ageing veteran. Concern for stats and etiquette could detract from concentration. Steady finishes in rounds 1 & 2 could pose a threat later.
N. Colton – Predicted starting h/cap range: 19 – 22
Used to be a right good swinger. Marriage, kids, and bad knees have forced him off the course – he says! Lives in Essex and fits stereotype.
S. Dennett – Predicted starting h/cap range: 13 – 16
The new favourite. On form and recent 36 playing off 15 is a good indication. Early thoughts that a low handicap might affect chances could be wrong. Playing a lot but three rounds is a big question mark.
P. Maddocks – Predicted starting h/cap range: 22 – 24
Steady form. Could figure with more practice. Possible each-way bet.
S. Nicholson – Predicted starting h/cap range: 6 – 9
Defending Champion and top weight. Most money is being placed here. Tough handicap but no real picture of opposition emerging yet. Must avoid early wins and come home with big points in last round.
D. McGuire – Predicted starting h/cap range: Unknown
Plays at work apparently. Aardvark rookie over this handicap system. No real form to suggest a champion here – but could have his day.
C. O’Neill – Predicted starting h/cap range: 20 – 18
Not as convincing lately although handicap will help. Very likely to show at least on one day – but game may not last three rounds.
D. Roper (aka Lord Roper of Lymn) – Predicted starting h/cap range: 16 – 14
Preparing quietly on his own estate. Does play to this handicap-ish will be there or thereabouts. Definite each-way bet and possibly more!
M. Sixsmith – Predicted starting h/cap range: 25 – 23
In Portugal with the family instead of practicing for the big one! Little knowledge of recent form.
C. Taylor – Predicted starting h/cap range: 21 – 18
Better last time out – but 28 still finished last but one. Now off 21! A sad decline over last two years when previously a regular challenger. Handicap could be an advantage but podium finish seems the best to hope for.
I. Tolley – Predicted starting h/cap range: 25 – 22
Still in Scotland. Little form guide here – but has no real track record of success (in any sport, come to think of it). But might be worth a punt.
J. Wilks – Predicted starting h/cap range: 13 – 15
Can cope with the pressure (winner in 97). Claims not to have touched a club since Cumbria last year. Not to be trusted.
| To Win Overall | Odds | To Win At Least A Round | Odds |
| Dennett | 5 | Allott | 5/2 |
| Allott | 6 | Nicholson | 3 |
| Brown | 6 | O’Neill | 100/30 |
| O’Neill | 7 | Dennett | 4 |
| Nicholson | 8 | Brown | 4 |
| Roper | 9 | Wilks | 6 |
| Burnett | 12 | Roper | 6 |
| Colton | 12 | Colton | 6 |
| Wilks | 12 | Burnett | 7 |
| Taylor | 14 | Maddocks | 8 |
| Tolley | 15 | Beardmore | 10 |
| Beardmore | 16 | Taylor | 10 |
| Sixsmith | 16 | Tolley | 10 |
| Maddocks | 16 | Sixsmith | 14 |
| McGuire | 20 | McGuire | 20 |