Photos

Aardvarks at the watering hole 

Can we stay in the IoM please?

That is SO Interesting? Is Sarah asleep because Hils is on the phone or is Hils on the phone because Sarah is asleep???? Stokes’s opinion … I couldn’t possibly be drawn, but having been trapped by Hurdy Gurdy in a steam train carriage in the IoM for an hour … I do have my own theory.
That said, this is the man who just made those comments!

Hotel

Bus Timetable

All Available Kit

2018 Kit List

Playing Kit

Tourists

07/07/18 – Thank you, Niall, Rob etc fab photos despite the wrinkles. Mel x

07/07/18 – Dear Aardvarks, I sent the link to a selection of the photos I took to the AardGeeks (Tolley & Ade), and Tol has put it on the website. He was going to send a note out about this but for those of you who can’t wait, here’s the link …
https://photos.app.goo.gl/UB5oRhGRnnk9MJgH9
Some of the photos are a bit small on the link. Just click on the first on the first one and move through them to see them in all their glory. Some very scary close-ups. Sadly, the wrinkle count increases with each tour. Cheers. Rob
05/07/18 – Dear Aardvarks. Pursuant to compliance with the ‘Aardvark Data & Information Consent’ protocol (known as A DIC) herewith is a link to some photos of our recent rather jolly weekend. You will no doubt be pleased I found the ‘action sports’ setting on the camera.
https://photos.app.goo.gl/gVdYAgEp7vf1m7zF9

Wilks 35 Anniversary Speach (pdf)
Also attached is Wilks’ fine oration. I am currently in negotiations with the British Library to ensure the original script is preserved for a no doubt to be grateful nation. Best wishes. NIALL

https://www.gov.im/categories/travel-traffic-and-motoring/bus-and-rail/bus-vannin/airport-services/

For those of you arriving by Ferry, it is doubtful you will run into Fairy Glen as when you leave the Terminal, you turn right onto the Prom and keep going. The Regency is at the far end and a charming ride on a horse drawn carriage might be a romantic alternative?

We assemble at 6.30pm on Fri 29th in the Hotel Bar. Assuming everybody shakes everybody else’s hand then 666 such greetings will occur in that short space of time, during which we need to extract a tenner from each player of voting age. We have a £ contribution to pitch hire to make and we’ll need to buy the oppo a jug or two after the game.

Hockey … We’ll play in our ‘azzuri bleu’ shirts, white short? And traditional blue/orange hooped socks. The oppo are in red or white, leaving Nick to umpire in his Givenchy Canary yellow size 12.  Both games are at the National Sports Centre

https://msr.gov.im/sports-activities/sports/hockey/

Match/meet times.  I’m told the pitch is a mile and a half away from the Hotel so you can taxi there (Taxi number is 621621) or walk.  Meet there changed 45 mins before the start of each game so on Sat 12.15 for a 13.00 start. Sun 10.15 for 11.00 start. After the game, the oppo captain has arranged to  ‘… ferry us to the woody’ for a few beers … whatever and wherever that is?

Sat 30th June Gala Dinner. MC Wilks.  http://www.haworths.im/
Meet in the bar for cocktails from 18.30.  Shorts, jeans and scruffy T shirts are persona non gratia.  As you know, the menu is set. A randomly assorted seating plan is to be sorted.  We’re going to pre-order some wine for the table after which … you’re on your own.

Think that’s all.  See you Friday.  Col

https://www.gov.im/categories/travel-traffic-and-motoring/bus-and-rail/bus-vannin/airport-services/

Kato

25/06/18 – Have decided to cancel the hockey and led by our intrepid skipper who no doubt with his sometimes belligerent hockey play has Viking blood in him entered us into the following :-

Viking longboat races:

https://www.visitisleofman.com/whats-on/world-championship-viking-long-boat-races-p1308341

Niall may need to bring his arm floats in case we sink !  Kato

12/06/18 – This is excellent advice particularly as it agrees with what I’m wearing at the moment and I look great. 🙄🤣😟 – Jon T

12/06/18 – Is that after strong or extra strong, I don’t want to risk gluing the wrong substance to my body. Also how will we smuggle them through customs (answers on a postcard) – Gaz

12/06/18 – We could glue Trebor After Strong Mints in our armpits and between our legs … ‘and nobody will be any the wiser’! – Col

12/06/18 – Or perhaps a spearmint scented cravat around your necks!!! – Nick

12/06/18 – Yes Guys … being a former secret smoker I can personally testify that somehow the female of the species has a particular sensitive nose for this sort of thing.  One suggestion might be to liberally sprinkle some peppermint dust around your bodies!?? – Nick

12/06/18 – Hi guys, How helpful is google? 😀 – Gaz

https://www.quora.com/How-can-a-fat-man-look-good-in-shirts and pants

12/06/18 – Col, A great idea but remember as with the secret smokers coming back wreaking of cigarette smoke we would be stinking of various body odours from our cherished clothes that surely people would be suspicious. – Gaz

12/06/18 – Looking forward to seeing you and Gaz slipping off to the Gents together 😊 – Will

12/06/18 – Gaz, On the food front unless you can find an email to view, we will have to revert to the default position … Wilks. Sorry but there is absolutely nothing I can do.  As for scruffy shorts and T-shirt … I intend to hide some gear in a plakky bag in the cistern in the gents loo. When there is a lull in the proceeding I plan to sneak out and wear them for a minute or so in the loo and then change back / re-join the dinner. Its like smoking and no-one will notice. – Col

12/06/18 – Dear Sir Colin. I fear that there is no attachment on my email so I can’t choose what to eat. Is this because I’m usually so drunk by then that I never can remember what I’ve eaten anyway, or have you sent it to Dawn so that she can order my food for me. I also am dismayed that shorts and scruffy T-shirts will be banned from the grand feast and look forward to your alternative suggestions. Pray tell. Your loyal servant – Gaz

09/06/18 – Blimey Col … where did you find that last picture of my old Dad … I haven’t see that since he died over 15 years ago !! – Nick

Those cats on the Isle of Man are currently baking themselves off for the chance to feed us.  Judge Stuart has threatened the incarceration of all Sous Chefs in the island, were we not to be offered exclusive use of their premier fine diner which ensures no-one, other than ourselves, will be offended.

The Tynewald have now agreed upon the menu options (see attached) and have requested that we confirm our choices at least 10 days in advance. Consequently can you email me with your personal selection by Sun 17th June, latest! … otherwise Wilks will select for you!  The main course veggie options ‘Vegetable Lasagne’ or ‘Risotto Primivera’ (Rice with Peas and Avocado).  If you do have any other special dietary requirements, then please let me know by the same date and either a) the dishes can be adapted or b) the Manx Govt will arrange for emergency gastro-surgery.

I’m proposing that we pre-order a few bottles of plonk for the table to start us off and that our ‘guest sommelier’, Mr Lloyd, shall select something suitable for our collective discerning palette.

Dress code: no shorts, jeans and scruffy T-shirts (which comes as a disappointment to some of us more than others).  If, like me, this causes a bit of a problem, I have attached some helpful suggestions.

On another related point, and you might think this has some relevance – possibly not – at the moment, I still have no idea when, where, and who we will be playing.  Kato promises confirmation soon but I guess it remains perfectly possible that fat Allot will be wobbling down the wing at the same time as his queenies are piped into the ballroom. In the unlikely event I have more useful info on this point, I will circulate accordingly.

I remain, your humble servant.
Taylor of Cheshire.

2018-06-30 – Aardvarks Dinner Menu (.pdf)

Ok there’s been a bit of a slight hiccup … but nothing to worry about … on the Accommodation front.

The GOOD news is that all of our room requirements as shown on the attached sheet have been approved and are catered for. The NOT SO GOOD NEWS is that we should have paid the whole balance for the accommodation a week ago!!! Unfortunately our look-a-like Japanese Judge somehow managed to overlook this minor clause in his discussions with the hotel, but I am assured that his superior powers of persuasion have smoothed things over with them and that they are happy to receive the outstanding monies as soon as we can do it.

Therefore, I need you all PLEASE to pay your balance (as highlighted on the sheet in yellow), YESTERDAY, NOW or ASAP into the usual place – details repeated below.

I am sorry about the urgency … I had assumed that everybody would pay their own bill on departure, but that is not the case. As you can see I have deducted the deposits you have already paid me off your totals, so everything should now be correct.
NOTE 1 – In respect of those sharing in twin rooms, the amount you owe is 50% of the balance, unless your name is Gary or Will, in which case your balances are £65 and £115 respectively!!!!
NOTE 2 – Could Messrs Luther and Wilks please also add £12.50 to their transfers so I can clear off the Kit debts as well … many thanks
NOTE 3 – Kato and myself will settle up on the Hotel deposit etc on arrival in IoM pounds!

As you should be aware we are also planning a Gala dinner on the Saturday evening at the Hotel … full details including quality of dress T-shirt to follow later from the Chairman!! This has yet to be paid for. So I look forward to receiving your cash in the very near future and a quick note telling me you’ve paid … either by return email or a text to 07703-784911.

Bank Details reminder :
Name: N I BURNETT-AVKS
Sort Code : 07-10-40
Account no : 65119360

Right that’s about it for now. If you have any queries please call me on the mobile above as our house phone is broken at the moment. Nick

Niall

http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMVN93_Queen_Victoria_Douglas_Isle_of_Man

Tol  (I think I might have too much time on my hands).

I have managed to end up with a few extras, if anyone wants to add to their order;

1 XL playing shirt men’s (I had Nick’s name against it – not sure why)!
1 L royal blue men’s long sleeve t/shirt
1 XL royal blue unisex sweatshirt with tour dates on back
1 XL navy ladies zip hoodie, no logo on front just AARDVARK printed on the back. (Think this was left from last time)

I will take the orders to Birmingham next week, I know Owen has asked me to hand his order to Dick to drop off at his mums. Mel are you ok to pick yours up next week if I bring it with me? Let me know if I need to bring anyone else’s.

See you soon
Aptar

Nick has handed me a piece of paper with names of all of those of you who have not yet paid him. So a gentle reminder, please pay Nick ASAP to avoid him giving me another piece of paper! Seriously, I will need to pay the invoice on receipt of the order and will be asking Nick for all monies due.

Thanks and see you all soon.
Aptar

06/03/18 – Aptar

Now the team has been finalised and the hotel sorted, it’s time to decide on what we’re going to wear on this special 35th (last) tour.  Playing shirt this year will be Sapphire Blue, with Navy/Black shorts and Aardvark socks (orange and blue hoops). A list of all additional tour merchandise available for this tour is attached, please could you let me have your orders by 20th March.  Could you please make sure you add the size and colour of the items you order.

As usual, all payments for your purchases need to be paid to Nick, you should all have his account details by now. Please put your name as reference when paying Nick, to make it easier for him when reconciling his stats. Think that’s all for now, just shout if you have any questions.

Aptar

06/02/18 – Dave R

Good Evening All
I am planning to go to IOM from Heysham in the Snowy North. Does anyone want to share a car? If you could let me know that would be good.

Cheers.
David Roper

davidlrspitfire@gmail.com
07836244294

01/02/18 – Gaz

Hi Nick – Dawn isn’t coming so just a single room or I don’t mind sharing for the Friday and Saturday nights.

Also before I book my flight is anyone driving that could take my goalie kit for me otherwise I need to sort out fitting it on the plane. I promise it will be clean and sweet smelling.

Let me know, cheers Gaz

Afternoon Folks.  Friendly chase-up to get your accommodation requirements please … see email below.  Sorry to be a pain but I’m away myself next week and I want to get this all sorted with Kato before I go.  So can you make your minds up and advise asap … otherwise you may not get any extra nights in the same hotel. Also who’s sent me £100 from a/c 16542370 ????

Thanks
Foz, I got your initial reply thanks, but did you see my follow –up question  ??
Nick

Good Evening All.  Ok whilst the boys & girl are away catching a chill and eating chilli in Chile … it falls to me to carry on with the organisation.

Thanks to all for paying your deposits so promptly … I think we’re all about paid including somebody yesterday who sent me £100 but with no name … so can they please confirm. This makes one of the largest parties that we’ve had in a few years so it’s important we get the accommodation correct and that nobody’s left on the beach (like I was on my first ever tour to Llandudno at the age of 17!!)

As you know the default Accommodation booking is for the 3 nights … FRI 29 JUNE to SUN 1 JUL inclusive.  So what I need to know now is who wants EXTRA nights booking or who is only stopping for LESS THAN the standard 3 nights – eg leaving say on Sunday instead of Monday.

Please can you therefore let me know please , by return or in the next few days if possible whether you are…
1.       STANDARD 3 NIGHTS
2.       EXTRA NIGHTS … and WHICH
3.       LESS NIGHTS … and WHICH

I will then liaise with Kato and the Hotel over the exact no of rooms and nights that we require.  Any problems or questions ring Col on 07990-971190 in Chile … or perhaps more sensibly and cheaper me on 07703-784911.  Cheers, Nick

Isle of Man: A Short Guide To The History, Culture, And People

Situated in the Irish Sea, it is a small self-governing British Crown dependency.  Maybe think of it as a bit like Guernsey but with rubbish weather.  Those of you who were there 35 years ago will be happy to find little has changed.  You are older and wiser (or in the case of Dick, just older) but Manx life retains that 18^th century feel.

The country is governed by one of the oldest parliaments in the world, the Tiswas, which meets on Saturday mornings.  Why not pop in and have a look at how a country outside the EU works?

The popular crime drama Mannix was originally called Manx and was set on the island.  However, the racy plot lines and gratuitous violence proved too much for the locals and it was relocated to LA in 1967.  Who knows, if it has stayed in its original home it could have done for the island what Bergerac did for Jersey or even what Howards’ Way has done for the nicer bits of Hampshire.

Women on the Isle of Man have three legs, which makes them fast but not in the way Phil Nic likes. 

The local cats, known as ‘rumpies’ (down Phil, down….!) or ‘stumpies’ (no, even I won’t go there…) have no tails.  But come to think of it cats around where I live in Oldham have bits missing too, so maybe it isn’t just a Manx thing.

Eating out on the island is an experience.  There is one restaurant, open on the second Thursday of the month 5pm to 10pm (booking advisable).  It is famous for its fish (that is ‘fish’ singular not ‘fish’ plural, so “more boiled mackerel anyone”!?)

If you have some scruffy bank notes or tarnished coinage why not avail of the famous money laundering services on the island (see as above ‘how a country outside the EU works….’)

Arising early on Sunday? Be sure not to miss the Manx Street Preachers as they process from the harbour-side to the cathedral for 11.00 service chanting their haunting melodies.  Admission charges for adults apply.  There is a local campaign against admission charges, I suppose if you tolerate this sort of thing for adults, the children will be next.

If you get the chance to venture out of Douglas, why not visit the Great Laxative mine.  Taking full advantage of the burgeoning populations and indeed colons in Victorian Liverpool and Dublin, this rich vein of Dulcolax was extensively mined in the 19^th century bring great wealth to the island.

As with most of the odd and extreme locations across the British Isles there is a makie-uppy traditional language.  Here it is known as Manx Gaelic (well it would be wouldn’t it, there is probably a sizable grant involved).  Anyway, in the tradition of all great phrase books ‘Ta my lhong chrowal lane dy Aardvarks’.

Bannaght lhiu!

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away ………..

….. it all started on the Isle of Man in 1983.

Following a good stuffing the previous year (touring as Nuneaton Virgins HC), we changed our name, our cultural identity and morphed into the Disillusioned Aardvarks.  As discussed in Edinburgh last July, 2018 marks our 35 years as the UK’s premier sporting ambassador’s.  As this is the final tour, the petticoat junta that now seem to dominate the inner sanctum of our fraternity, decreed we should visit the Isle of Man in 2018.

Quick as a flash – or at least quicker than he moves on the pitch – Kato thrust his manly being forward and volunteered to make contact with those cats over and negotiate on our behalf.  He has secured the opulence that is the 4* Regency Hotel on the prom at around £110 per room per night. http://www.regency.im/

We shall assemble in the Hotel ballroom at 18.30 hrs on Fri 29th June for much wit and moment as ever can be achieved by such hardy young fools as us.  On the Sat night, we are attempting arranging a 35th anniversary gala dinner with surprise mystery guests to amuse us with tales of daring do in far-off lands, hither and thither. There will also be wine.

As usual there will be a couple of matches on the Sat & Sun in advance of shuffling off home on the Monday morning … 3 nights although I know a few people are planning an extra night or two either side.

It is now time to empty your wallet.  We need a £50 deposit per head paid into Mr Burnett’s off shore IoM account (you may have seen his Bingo winnings mentioned in the Paradise Papers?), and by 14th Jan 2018 latest please as the rooms have only been reserved until then.  The details for which are …

Sort code: 07-10-40
A/C: 65119360
Name: N I Burnett

Remembering of course to add you name as reference so he knows who’s paid.

Well that’s about it for now.

Have a good Christmas and catch up in the new year.

27/07/17 – Col

Might be a tad early to ask about specific nights?  At this early I’d suggest 11 doubles and 5 singles reserved for the 3 nights- that will cover most of it. The rest / adjustment we can get to when its actually 2018?

26/07/17 – Kato

As our great leader has given permission for our tour please can you e mail whether you will be staying Fri, Sat, Sun or even longer so I can reserve rooms.  Kato

26/07/17 – Col

Right then … Isle of Man 29th June to 2nd July 2018 it is then.  Somewhat coincidentally 2018 will be the 35th anniversary of the Aardvark first tour which also took place on the same pile of turf!  Kato – let us know what you need to secure the hotel booking.
Col

23/07/17 – Various

23/07/17 – Col

Blimey O’Riley !!  Can anyone out there recall Kato being this fast on the pitch !!  He has secured an option at the 4* Regency Hotel in Douglas, Isle of Man for the weekend of 30th June 2018. Its £110 per room per night.  Is there any obvious reason why we should just say yes, and put this to bed now?
Col